It’s the bye week, and although the players get a well deserved rest, it leaves us diehard fans with no Carlton action.

But here are a few things you can try to help get your Navy Blue fix over the next week or so…

•    Watch the 1995 premiership in all its glory. And, if you can, hire actors as Geelong supporters so you can really give it to them as the Blues start to take control.

•    Offer to give up your arm to Marc Murphy so that he can return earlier. Although having said that, it would probably require more surgery, but Murph would appreciate the thought. And it’s always nice to have a spare arm just in case something happens again in the future.

•    Help Juddy out around the house. It’s a bye week, so he shouldn’t have to do anything. At all. And if we all chip in hopefully he can back to 100% by the time the Hawthorn game comes around.

•    Barrack for the West Coast Eagles. An outrageous statement I know, especially after the treatment the Blues copped over in Perth last week, but they’re playing Collingwood. And any Collingwood loss is a win for Carlton.

•    Try and locate Dennis Armfield’s moustache. Surely it’s lying around somewhere.

•    Convince every hairdresser in Melbourne that a bleached perm should now be called a “Bootsma”.

•    Get some stilts and have an eye to eye to chat with Robbie Warnock. His neck muscles will appreciate it.

•    Invite Eddie Betts, Jeff Garlett and Chris Yarran around to your house and wait for something electrifying to happen. Shouldn’t take long.

•    Say “Kreuuuuuuuze” whenever you feel like it - shopping, in the movies, making love. Sure, people will think you have issues, but other Carlton fans will give you a knowing nod.

Hopefully some or all of these will get you through the bye week, as our boys rest up and prepare to take on the Hawks at the ‘G. Go Blues!

Adam Rozenbachs is a Melbourne-based stand up comedian, writer and broadcasterwho has steadily risen to become one of Australia's funniest and most consistent performers, writers and broadcasters. Click here to learn more about him.